Even passionate people can grow weary
I’m bone tired.
Not so much physically, although I could only squeeze in 4 hours of sleep last night. This after a midnight dinner of a Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich, fries and a lime aid. Yikes.
Yes, I know the formula. 7 to 8 hours of sleep. Meditation. Exercise. Early rising. A breakfast including Super Foods. Eating right. Showing gratitude. Planning the day. Journaling. Consistency. Attitude.
I’m sick of all of it right now.
Don’t misunderstand, I am not unhappy. And I am not feeling sorry for myself or ungrateful. I have a lot to be grateful for. I am blessed and am enjoying some of the most rewarding moments of my life.
A few rough spots remain that I am continually smoothing out, polishing, working on. But in general, life is pretty damn good.
So I am not complaining. I’m just observing. Contemplating.
I think it’s the drama all around me. The pettiness, silliness, madness, haughtiness, hipness, selfishness, ruthlessness, meanness.
Emotional illness. All of the “nesses”.
The wannabees, would be players, “experts”, and the unaccountable, valueless, clueless game players. They’ve gotten the best of me. The only relief — figure out ways to shut them up. Stop listening. Quit reading posts.
So here I sit at the keyboard in my Miami office. It’s early and no one is in. My quiet time. Just munched down a bowl of Starbucks’ oatmeal with blueberries. Yes, I squeezed in some healthy eats and a Super Food.
As I sip on my Grande Americano with an extra shot, I am sitting here typing away at this article which has NOTHING to do with my mission, area of expertise and interests. Not my passion. Nor my “why”.
Yes, I am writing, which I love to do, but it’s just a bunch of random thoughts coming out of me in a steady stream. No planning. No outlining. No real deep thinking. Just writing. Whatever comes out.
In fact, none of what I have planned to do today is happening right now. I opened my book project in Scrivener, typed 3 words, and closed it again. Then I went to my Medium drafts.
I have 91 drafts in my draft collection.
There are 91 stories, in different stages of completion in “draft”. At one end of the spectrum, some are nearly finished. Image chosen. Headline crafted. At the other end some are just ideas and thoughts. Outlines.
I have plenty of ideas. Topics. But I don’t feel like working on any of those.
I’m banging away at this instead.
Because right now, this is what is coming out. My passion tank is empty. Bone dry. I need a refill. A boost.
The Nesses have gotten to me.
I’m currently devoid of Leadership wisdom, or inspirational messages. No Motivation or Personal Development stuff is coming out of me. Just this.
Maybe I’ll just leave the office and drive around looking for a Passion Station. So I can pull up to the pump and fill up my tank.
Maybe the drive will stir my soul. Take my mind off the funk. Maybe not.
This happens sometimes. I’m just going to have to deal with it.
Wait! What’s this?
The Startup just published one of my articles! Woo Hoo!
This changes everything! All of a sudden I feel better! Checking my Passion gauge. Full!
Lesson learned from this stream of consciousnesses rant:
If you wait long enough sometimes things have a way of working out on their own
Like playing a stare down game with the world. Who will blink first?
For the other times when things don’t work themselves out, look for that Passion Station and fill ‘er up!
Or just sit down at the keyboard and start banging away…
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